Teenagers: Improve your Parents Embarrassing Behavior

3 Easy Strategies to Support Positive Parent Performance

Hey teenagers, I know your parents are a mess. You see them struggling with persistent embarrassing behavior as they wallow in a world they don’t understand. You also likely feel frustrated because it will be at least a few more years before you can escape their daily attempts at being cool and relatable.

However, if you are willing to take the time, there are effective strategies you can use to improve their behavior. When managed appropriately, parents can still be useful to you, such as by running your errands and maybe even folding your laundry. But before you will consistently see that kind of positive parent performance, you must first understand your parent’s changing brain and body.

Understanding your Parent:

The Parent Brain

The adult brain is brittle and inflexible and this affects their perception of time. Parents can’t really understand that you are older now, because they have a hard time understanding that you aren’t younger. It works like this: at one time in your life, a million years ago, you would jump up down and squeal WITH JOY when they would sing and dance for you in the kitchen. They think this was recent. So when they take the time to learn a recent Harry Styles song and sing it for you, they think it brings you joy. The part of their brain that understands of how much time has passed is permanently broken. It is really best for everyone if you just respond with as much joy as you can possibly muster, then make up a believable reason to leave the room and then Snapchat your embarrassment to your peers.

The Parent Body

It may make you uncomfortable to bring this up in conversation but this is where your parents need you the most. Their bodies are changing in ways they don’t understand. They don’t understand that their ears are failing. They don’t understand how loud they are being every time you are in public, they just think everyone is whispering. Be patient and come up with subtle reminders such as a loving pat on the wrist and intense eye contact.

Also note that not all changes you are witnessing require a visit to their doctor. The involuntary grunts they emit every time they sit and stand is a normal part of development at this age. Don’t bring attention to it. Just smile and know that if they made a lot of involuntary noises while settling into their favorite chair, they are likely going to drift off to sleep and therefore stay out of your business.

Three Steps to Improving Your Parent’s Development:

Empower your parents in small, strategic ways. Give them simple tasks that can make them feel relevant. Ask them for some simple advice where you already know the answer. Keep in mind that your time is increasingly valuable so make sure you limit the scope. For example, you can ask your dad: “which of these two t-shirts do you think is cool?” Limiting their choices keeps them focused, and asking them their advice makes them feel empowered.

Remember to be patient. It may be hard to believe, but they really might not understand why they get asked if they are eligible for a senior discount. So do your best not to laugh out loud when it happens, this will confuse them more. Seriously, stop laughing, it’s not funny. Help them transition to this point in their life by telling them how young they look. This isn’t lying, it is pretending. Pretending is fun. They used to pretend to eat your toes at bath time. You loved it, and they never actually ate your toes. Pretending that your parents are young and cool is just like that. 

Give them space to fail. You have likely already laid out compelling evidence on how their style needs updating. I know it is hard to believe but 20 years ago their look of skinny jeans, scarf and tall boots was really cool. Remember what you have learned about their brain and the perception of time. So start small, encourage positive behavior, and be patient when they clearly fail. The only way they will really adopt a new look is if they believe it looks good. Try saying encouraging statements like, “They are called mom jeans! See, the fashion industry has really embraced the how cool moms really are.”

With love and persistence, it is not impossible to address even the most embarrassing parental behavior. Don’t forget, there are probably lots of reasons why you should feel guilty about who your parents have become. They have spent your entire lives feeling guilty, so take a little time to absorb some responsibility for their behavior.

Good luck and remember, with time and patience your parents may still prove to be useful!